In a relationship you will always have reasons to talk. In fact, without communication there is no relationship. You have to build your relationship on a strong communication. Where this is in place there most other issues can be resolved easily. You will find out that issues are prolonged when communication link is broken.
Now this is going beyond just communicating. There are times when you will see some things in your relationship and you will want to talk about them. It may be something you want your spouse to do or to stop doing. At some point you may notice that you have said certain things repeatedly and nothing seems to be changing.
Most times when we talk – which is a mild word for complain – we expect to see changes immediately. There are times we expect our spouses to remember all that we have said but the next time they have to do something you will see that they are not doing anything different. What you want them to differently is still being done the same way.
For some relationships, that is the reason the couples involved will always fight. That’s because one partner thinks that whatever he or she says must be taken seriously and the other partner must not forget. So when that partner forgets, there is trouble because you get angry and wonder why your spouse will not just remember what you have said.
There is more to trying to get your spouse to always remember what you have said or what you keep saying. I understand it can be very painful when you say something and no one remembers. It is even more painful when it is your spouse that does not remember what you have said.
What do you do in this case to make sure that your talking does not degenerate into something else? This simply reminds me of the story of a couple that has been married for more than fifty (50) years. When the husband was asked what the secret of being married for so long was, he said ‘sometimes you have to act like a fool to stay married for that long.’ I will take his statement and just change it for you to use it. Let’s say this is me after fifty years of being married to First Lady – Funsho Fola-Daniel – and someone is asking me what it takes to be married for that long. I will say, ‘sometimes you talk and sometimes you don’t.
This has to be so because you will have so much you always want to talk about. There will always be one thing or the other that someone in the relationship is not doing right. If you focus on this alone then you will have reasons to complain always. When you have reasons to complain always you will wear out your partner.
There will be issues. You have to discuss some of them and there are some of them that you can let go. I think the most important thing for you is to know when to talk and when not to talk. You should know when to raise an issue and when not to raise an issue. Once you see that raising an issue will make you appear as though you are nagging, just relax. Even when you talk, the talking will not be the most important thing but how you do it. It’s important you avoid talking or complaining in a matter that will make your partner feel run down.
Do you want to have a lasting marriage? Well, just know when to talk and when not to talk and in addition to that, learn diplomacy.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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