People come together and agree they want to get married. They do so many things together and get really intimate but when it comes to money, not too many couples want to do things together. You find the husband going in one direction and the wife going in the other direction. Please understand that this is not about running joint accounts. I am not going to say you should run joint accounts if you don’t want to but there are things you need to look at and achieve together.
I think that husbands and wives can be some of the greatest partners you will find if only they really agree to work together. The problem is that in the west, couples simply look at paying the bills. So the question is how much of the responsibility is yours and how much of it is mine? In Africa it’s a bit different. The women just expect that if he is the man and he has the money then he must pay the bills. If he does not have all the money then I support him with the responsibilities.
Can you please look far beyond just paying bills together and raising children together because you are expected to do so? Think about some other things you can do together that will bring out the best in the two of you. I have seen couples start businesses that outgrow them and their children can even take over. I think you both need to look within and find a common passion that you can both promote and also convert to a business.
In Nigeria we have a number of people that I think are doing great as a couple working together to achieve come great things just as we have them in other countries. For so many years the marriage counsellors have only taught people to live together. The problem with teaching people how to live together is that they will always have to think about coping or tolerating the other person. They are just trying to follow some guidelines given to them so they can look like the ideal or perfect couple.
I say you should throw that into the waste bin. Don’t just think about living together because you may never end of staying together for too long. Think about a common ground that is stronger than just having to live with this person. Both of you should look within you and see what you can bring together as a common cause. When you have a common cause to pursue, it is less likely that someone will have to be talking to you about living together.
There are too many couples running in the opposite directions everyday so they can fulfil purpose or have some level of satisfaction in life. As they run consistently in those opposite directions and only reconvene for a short time together, they are not aware that they have been drawn apart.
So you can say that one of the greatest secrets of having to stay together till death do you path is sometimes to find a common goal to pursue. This does not mean that you don’t have other things you are doing or that both of you must always do the same thing. Even if you run the same business together you still have to function in different capacities for the contributions of the two of you to make sense.
The two of you can get more results from all that you are doing if only you remember the power of synergy. In the first place you can’t work (or decide to be married and live) together if you don’t agree. So I urge you to use that same agreement to find something to synergize on and you can both get more out of life.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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