Marital independence | © Fola Daniel Adelesi

Permit me to start by saying that no one is a slave to the other regardless of the fact that the Bible expects the husband to be the head of the wife. Many misunderstand this and they want to use that as the premise to subject their partners to untold hardship or just say slavery.

I think that if you have any idea what the Bible was talking about then you will realize that when it says you, the man, are the head of the family then it means that you have the responsibility of leading that family. It was a call to service and not a PR statement to boost the ego or rebrand the perception of men. That was a big task put on the shoulders of men.

The ladies got their call to submission in order to make things work and if each person in the relationship is doing what he or she is supposed to do then both of you will get the results that you are supposed to get.

More importantly, we were asked a great question that relates to the issue of marriage. It was the question of can two work together except they be agreed? Obviously it is impossible for two to work together without agreement. It therefore means we are expected to have an agreement and not a power tussle.

Because of the world that we live in today, a lot of marriages are struggling and experiencing power tussle. The husband wants to establish his authority as head of the home and the wife is also proving that she is not a slave and must have a say in the affairs of the house.

I certainly believe that women should be heard and men should still take final responsibility. Notwithstanding, the emphasis is on agreement in order to work together. If you learn to agree on small matters consistently then it will not be hard to agree on the big issues that may show up once in a while.

In marriage, even though it involves only two, there is leadership and there is followership. The two should also agree for things to work. The leader needs to lead effectively and proactively. And the follower must not frustrate the efforts of the leader to lead.

Once the two people who are supposed to agree start battling for supremacy in the relationship, I dare say that the ‘ship’ of the ‘relation-ship’ will soon hit the rocks and the boat will eventually sink.

Does this mean women don’t have independence? No! Not at all! As a man you must understand how to give your wife a voice and also carry her along in the things that you do. Sometimes you will just let her take some decisions in the house. It is not because you don’t know what to do but you understand that when you allow her to decide how to do it, it is easier to pour herself into. That way, decisions will be seen as decisions and not instructions.

There are other ways you can enjoy independence in your relationship and I think some are:
Give yourselves breathing space. This is the kind of independence you both can enjoy in the marriage. There are those who are always stalking their partners. Each time the phone rings they want to know who called. When a text message comes in they want to know who sent it and what the person said. They see their partners with someone else, maybe in public having a chat, they must make efforts to know what the person wants. You need to stop that. If you have trust issues then you need to resolve it.

I don’t think you should be monitoring each other’s movement too. It does not mean you should not know where your spouse went to but you should allow them to easily move around as they should.

You should also not say your partner must like something because you like it or hate something because you already hate it. When you start that you are already trying to take away their lives.

Bottom line is that we can work together, agree and still have our independence. Check your marriage today and be sure you have not taken the independence of your spouse. 

Fola Daniel Adelesi
President/CEO,
Edible Pen.

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