Just like a country gets independence from another nation and wants to stand on its own as a sovereign nation, some people think that real independence is about being completely isolated from the person you are seeking independence from. You find teenagers who want to live their lives without the interference of parents or guardians and you find some adults who claim to be independent and having nothing to do with anyone.
You should never mix independence up and think that it will mean you are totally on your own without any connection to anyone. Many of us want to be free. We want to live our lives the way we like it. We don’t want control of any sort from anyone at any time.
I think you may need to come to terms with the fact that it is dangerous to not have control of any sort. When you are without control then you will be heading for destruction. Take a look at the apprentices that you find around you. When they go to a person to learn a skill, they request to do what we, in Nigeria, call freedom. This freedom is usually a small ceremony certifying that the person involved has learnt the skill and can now start his own business in the same line.
Although this person has done ‘freedom’ that allows him or her to stand alone as a business person, the really wise ones will not just leave their former masters and go away forever. They know that there are times when their former masters will be too busy to handle the business requests he or she might be getting. At such points, the reasonable masters will transfer some of those jobs to people who learnt under them and were of good behaviour.
What can you learn from that? This person has gained independence and is not under any obligation to go back to that former master. But through ignorance some of them stay away completely and never learn or benefit what they could still have benefitted from other people around them.
It does not matter what you do right now that requires independence. You should admit that there must be some inter dependence at some point for you to live a balanced life. If you truly understand your independence, it does not in any way mean cutting off everyone around you. You will be able to make your choices. You can do as you deem fit but it will also be very wise to seek counsel.
The moment you start thinking that independence means isolation, you would have made so many avoidable mistakes before you realize it. I think you need to start reviewing your relationships right now. Start thinking about the relationships you cut off just because you thought you needed to be independent. Check to see, and be honest, if they are relationships you still need.
I am not asking you to go to people and start begging for what they have or what they can get for you. They don’t have to pay your bills. Life feels good when you can make things happen on your own but there will be times when you will need other people. If you cut them off now just because you want independence, you will turn out to be like a man in the desert with no help.
You independence is good and you need to maximise it but you should also not think that it is about being isolated. You will always need people now and later in life.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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