I think that couples, over time, have gotten so used to each other’s responsibilities so much so that we see those things that we do for ourselves at home strictly as responsibilities. We think that the man is doing what he is supposed to be doing and the woman is also doing what he is supposed to be doing. Who else will do it if the man does not do it or if the woman does not do it? We have become so familiar with them doing it so much so that we don’t see the part where they are making sacrifices to get those things done.
If your husband pays for the gas, buys the groceries or pays the school bills of the kids, most people especially from the country where I live in just see it as a responsibility. They say oh, he’s doing his duties. When a woman goes to work and stills comes back to make dinner for everyone, clean up the house after the dinner then get everyone ready for the next day’s work, it is simply seen as the duties of the woman.
Sometimes the care for the child is also seen as the duties of the woman. This piece is not about who does what or who is supposed to be doing a particular thing at home. It is to let you remember that when you are both working and living together in a house, especially as a couple, you have to value and appreciate each other’s contributions.
Don’t just see what your partner is doing as a responsibility. If you keep seeing what your partner is doing as a responsibility then you will almost be a slave master. You will keep driving your partner to work and work with no appreciation.
I am so sure you remember how you feel when you do something in your place of work and your colleagues don’t appreciate you or your boss does not even recognize it. Are you not being paid for the job? You are being paid for the job so you should ordinarily take it as your job but it is still natural to expect some appreciation. If you still expect appreciation from a place where you get paid then you should note that you and your spouse must appreciate each other.
The next time when your spouse does those things you call his or her responsibility, don’t sit back on the couch like nothing happened. Don’t just get on as though it’s a normal day. Say thank you for filling the gas. Say thank you for looking after the kid. Say thank you for the food that was bought to whoever paid for it. Say thank you to whoever prepared it. Say thank you to the person that pays the bills for the cable television.
You can as well think that this is so simple but you will be amazed at how this simple thing can turn around the marriage of someone else. Don’t get too familiar with your own spouse that you don’t appreciate what they are doing for you or the sacrifices they are making for the house. There are times the dads at home need another shoe or another suit but they will not go for it just because of the house. Sometimes the want another car but they put it on hold just to take care of the house first.
We all feel better when appreciated so I think that it should not be hard to understand the value of appreciation. What I may not understand is why people find it hard to appreciate each other yet want something from each other all the time.
Even if you have been appreciating your spouse, I think you can still up your game by doing it in a more surprising or even enticing manner. I don’t think someone can be over appreciated. When you do this, your love will also be strengthened and you will see that the other partner will look forward to making more sacrifices for the relationship and for the house.
You can as well call this the secret to getting more sacrifices from your partner but that will be selfish. This is not only about getting more. It is first about appreciating what has already been done and naturally, more will come.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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