Because we are human beings we all will be offended. Since we are going to be offended then we will have reasons to become angry. While it is true that we will have reasons to be angry, it does not necessarily mean that we must be angry. We can choose to be angry or not be angry. Even when you are, what the Bible says is that you can be angry but you should not let the sun go down on your anger.
When we are two different people coming from different backgrounds there will be some points in our lives when it appears as though we no longer understand each other. Those are times when we should exercise some patience and don’t act or talk in a hurry. It will be a time when we can be more observant and learn more about each other.
What does it mean when the Bible says you should not let the sun go down on your anger? Think about what happens to the things you put in the sun. Those things become dry. There are some things that are wet and soft and when they go under the sun, they become dry or hard and are no longer foldable. If you try to fold them you will break them.
That’s what happens when you have a quarrel with your husband or wife and you let go on for too long. You make certain things impossible. The Yoruba speaking tribe in Nigeria has a proverb that says if there are no cracks in the wall, the lizard will not enter. Having prolonged quarrels because you are angry will create more than cracks. It will create very large holes such that anyone can enter and come out at will.
Some people have lost their homes completely, not for any other reason other than not settling their issues quickly. You may be thinking that you want to punish your husband or wife and you just let issues prolong. While you are thinking you want to punish him or her, the temptations that your partner could have overcome easily then sets in again and the partner falls easily. In some of my previous articles I did mention that you are stronger together. You are weaker when you are apart. What keeps you apart does not matter as much as the fact that you do not have the power again when you are apart.
Many have lost their spouses to some other strange men or women just because they decided not to settle their issues quickly. If you think you need to prove a point to your husband or wife, you might end up as the one who is learning a lesson. You might be the one who is now being proven to, rather than you proving a point.
Please do not joke with your marriage or relationship. It is far more important than just scoring some cheap points against each other. You are not in a competition. You have more responsibilities together and it is important to leave those things that you disagree on. The little things that you disagree on are so insignificant when compared to the great things that you need to agree on as a couple.
It is prolonged quarrels that make some men misbehave outside their homes. Then they come back with unwanted pregnancies from other women. If you had settled quickly, you would not have allowed that to happen. When you then refuse to settle quickly you will now have an age long consequence to deal with. Some other women have even lost their husbands and then men who should have been there for them died untimely. A number of men have lost their very responsible wives just because of some trivial issues that could be resolved. Some men even narrowly missed marrying the right woman just because they could not settle quickly.
Let me also remind you that those who never wanted you to settle on time just cash in on your quarrel and they break the home or cause the other havoc that they have in mind.
Please always settle your quarrel in time and become stronger after that quarrel. I even know that in some homes or marriages, once there is a fight they will end it all with sex. So the urge for sex keeps their differences in check and helps them resolve issues. Unfortunately when some partners want this ‘problem-solving-sex’ their partners deny them and the problems become bigger. In some other homes, it is gifts that solve the problems. Whatever it is that solves the problem must be used to quickly solve the problem.
If you don’t settle quickly, you lose much more than you can imagine. Worse still, you can lose that spouse.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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