There too many problems that people in relationships and marriages are facing that they are not supposed to be facing. When you ask some couples what the problems are, you will be amazed at the little things they are fighting over. You will wonder why they fight over very negligible issues but there’s more to it than meets the eye. This is sometimes a proof of the fact that one of the partners has identity crisis. Identity crisis makes a relationship extremely difficult.
The daily challenges of keeping up the communication line in relationship and not misinterpreting each other’s words or actions is enough to deal with. When you now add a partner’s insecurity to it, you almost feel like running out of this world. An insecure partner makes marriage endurable rather than enjoyable. The man in the house can become a monster and the wife can turn to knife!
Identity crisis make couples argue over the least likely things. Couples will not trust seeing each other with the opposite sex. They keep fighting each other’s ego and rather than build a strong relationship, they both try to hurt each other with words and other emotional issues.
After consistently hurting each other, they may then say that they are not compatible. Why is that? It’s sometimes because one person does not really know his or her person and relies absolutely on what the partner says, does not say, does or does not do.
What are the signs of a partner with identity crisis?
1. Everything must be about him or her. If you take the attention away they will say you don’t love them.
2. He or she constantly misintepretes words or takes interpretations to the extreme. You have one thing in mind but they’ve given it ten other meanings.
3. He or she whips up sentiments to get the other partner to act or stop acting on something. Some partners start crying to make you feel bad.
4. The partner with identity crisis constantly thinks the other person is taking undue advantage of them to get things done.
5. Rather than take corrections or listen to constructive criticisms, they play up their weaknesses. Whenever you do something, they may say it’s because they are not educated or don’t have enough money or something else. They always see your criticism from the angle of their inadequacies.
6. Insecure partners can’t bear seeing their partners with other people. They will conclude that what never happened has already happened.
7. Sometimes if you don’t let an insecure partner have his or her way there will be trouble.
How to deal with insecure partners and their identity crisis
1. Always affirm your love to such people.
2. It will take a while but let them see that the talk can’t always be about them. You must strike a balance at some point and achieve that gradually.
3. Don’t presume when talking to such people. Use very clear words and explain in details what you mean with every word.
4. Let them know you’ll never take advantage of them in any situation.
5. Help them see the strengths they have rather than focus on their weaknesses. Always emphasize their strengths.
6. While communicating with a spouse in identity crisis, you have to pay the price of letting them talk more.
It’s important to look at this critically because an insecure partner daily strains your relationship. Take a look at your spouse again. Are you really fighting compatibility issues or someone just has identity crisis that you need to work on? I think that a lot of the problems in marriage will be solved when the identity crisis of a person is dealt with.
You must never run into marriage with dealing with your pride and anger. Deal with hanging your emotions on what others do or don’t do. Learn to live your own life being satisfied with who you are if you want to be happy with other people.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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