External validation │© Fola Daniel Adelesi

Today’s world seems to be built around external validation for so many people and that is the way they are now living their lives. People are now depending so much on what others say or think about them. Unfortunately, when they do not hear what they want to hear, there will be trouble.

Some people have become stagnant in life because they are waiting for the external validation from other people – spouses, parents, children, colleagues at work, neighbours, friends and other compatriots.

Why should your life become stagnated because of what one man or woman is going to say or will refuse to say about you? What does that even say about you as a person when you live your life waiting on what other people will say?

You always have to remember that these people were not even there when you were born and there is no way they can be the only determinant in your destiny. They are not the ones who will determine your fate. You have the choice to make about your fate. If you don’t make the choice then you will not get what you are supposed to get in life. You will keep hoping but nothing will happen.

While it may not be wrong for people to validate your publicly, you should not live your chances of success to hang on the validation. It’s like saying you can’t succeed if a particular person refuses to give you money. There are other people who can give you the money apart from that person and you can go on to excel in life. If your validation does not come from a certain person it can come from another. Even if it does not come, you can still excel.

It is possible that people think you will not be able to succeed without them. Because they are already thinking that way they may hold back what they should say about you that can push you forward in life. Some people may be threatened by your chances of success and you are expecting validation from them.

Let’s even take a look at that validation and what it’s about. It could be a confirmation of what you have the ability to do by some other trusted persons. If a more successful person says to other people that you are a good person then that is some form of validation. If an influential person in an area affirms the fact that you can do something then you are going to have the goodwill of the people easily. I have seen political candidates win elections simply because of the validations that they enjoyed.

Having said that, I need to also come back to the fact that your validation may not come and it does not mean that you cannot succeed. What I am so concerned about, as I said when I started out in this piece, is that so many people have stagnated in life simply because of the validation that they are waiting for.

Look beyond those people who seem to be in a good position to give you some high recommendations. I am not asking you to stop expecting their recommendations or validations but I am saying you can move on in life without being pegged to a spot for too long just because of an expected validation.

If you are good then you will have to push what you are doing. Hard work and smart work will eventually pay off one day, if the validation does not come.      


Fola Daniel Adelesi
President/CEO,
Edible Pen.

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