Some people from Nigeria have a common saying when it comes to money matters. They will always say, ‘not even money will be able to handle the problems that money will cause.’ Sometimes this is true because some problems start either as a result of absence of money or presence of money and when the problem eventually comes, the people involved will realize that it will take much more than money to solve it. As far as couples are concerned, one of the most heated arguments in relationships so far has been about who earns more in a relationship. Interestingly, this argument hardly ever comes up when the man in the relationship earns more. The lady and the children see, very comfortable with that but there will be an issue when the lady starts earning more in some cases. I would like to give a great credit to ladies who earn more than their husbands but have never made an issue out of it for one day. They are great women and understand what it means to be supportive as wives.
Back to those who make an issue out of who earns more, you need to think again and also become selfless. Why is it that when a man earns more there is no issue at home and he takes care of the house with his resources but when it is the woman, as I said in some cases, there will be issues? I think that it is because we have forgotten we are supposed to be one and also work together. Nobody outside of your house should actually know who earns more than you do except for some circumstances that may lead them into finding out about this.
If you have a situation, maybe as a lady, where your husband earns more than you do I think you can do a couples of things to make sure that you are not the only one feeling the burden of taking care of the house. If your husband has some great ideas and he would like to start some businesses I think you should support him. You can give him some money to start or even call it a loan and when the business thrives, he’s back on his feet and starts taking care of the family again without you, the lady, needing to drop a penny. Even if both of you are working in some paid employments and the lady earns more, you should not make a mess out of this. I strongly suggest that the man should still do all that is within his capacity to take care of the house and family regardless of how little he earns but must be supported by his wife. If there is an opportunity to take a better job within your career path, you might consider it so that you can make more money to be able to take good care of your family but if there is none, a couple should live like there is no difference between them.
Some women have also been found of saying, ‘the man’s money is our money but my own money is only my money.’ That should not be. If your husband is earning far more than you are earning and he does not care about your money, that is fine. But even in that case, I still suggest you do something meaningful with your money because there might come a time when things don’t go smoothly and your husband might need some support to get back on his feet.
I remember a great motivational speaker once shared his story. He talked about how his salary as a pastor was far less than what his wife was earning as a youth corp member in Nigeria. When they were going to get married, this speaker said to his wife, ‘you will have to support me for a while but we will get to that level where you will not need to drop any money in the house for anything again. Your money will be your money.’ As at the time he was sharing this story, he had become very rich and was confidently or comfortably taking care of his house. There is another story of a man who said he was in business and for about a year, it was his wife who gave him the transportation fare to his work place every day. It may be different stories for different people.
I know women want to be pampered and they want husbands that can afford a vacation in some of the most expensive places around the world. It may not be like that for now. But if you earn more than your husband and hold back from supporting him, you may never get that chance of being pampered or being given a great treat at some of the best resorts around the world.
Couples should support each other in every way they can. They should remain faithful to each other and help each other grow in every possible way. If you have someone who can help your spouse rise in his or her business or career, don’t hold back in asking for support for your spouse. Pray for each other as well and always look forward to the best. Let it never be an issue among you when someone earns more but write down your heart desires and work on them as you pray that they will come to pass.
As married people building a family together, don’t allow money destroy what you are building. Let your bond be stronger than what money can break. On the long run, you will have a story that ends with the line ‘and they lived together happily ever after.’
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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